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Nov 16, 2023Liked by Helen Conway

Psychological courage can be hard to drum up, indeed! Being decisive when facing a myriad of choices is like trying to select only one pastry from all of those available in Paris. "Which one will be the MOST delicious?" is the question that paralyzes us. "Will this ONE be delicious?" is the question which gives us the freedom to let go of the anxiety of making "the perfect" choice.

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Oh crikey. you mean I'm supposed to choose only one pastry?!

But yes, assuming one has that restraint your analogy is a great one. Or as I said eventually today in the chocolate shop, while agonising over gift options. "This is ridiculous. The recipient doesn't know which ones they are not getting! Let's just pick anything they'd like!"

And just as psychological courage has to be practiced I guess so does limiting yourself to one pastry. Can I maybe start with small steps and begin to choose just one patisserie to gorge from?!!

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Hahaha, this is why I spent 20 years as a book maker, because I got to do all the things I loved: research of an interesting subject, writing, designing a book, printing it on a press, illustrating, printmaking and binding the books. The only thing I found irksome was the selling part, and I found the psychological courage to do that, out of necessity. Seriously, keep all your options open, at least to start with, would be my suggestion.

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I am indeed coming to realise that the secret is finding a way to combine all the things I love in one or two endeavours. It’s not always obvious what that is but I’m certainly narrowing down in a way that isn’t exclusive but makes things manageable, if that makes sense?

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Nov 16, 2023Liked by Helen Conway

Yes absolutely makes sense, besides which, things can always be steered a little differently AND we can always change our minds.

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"We can always change our minds!"--Great to be reminded of this!

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Thank you for this essay, which was full of resonance. In particular this: ‘I confessed to my mother recently that I was worried that if I stopped doing some legal work I was no longer drawn to, she would think I was wasting my education.’ Recently I gave a presentation to a large group of people and afterwards was complimented on my delivery; the next day I found myself telling my father that the speech and drama lessons my parents had paid for had not ‘been wasted’. I recognised something of myself in your confession, and now also understand the emotions swirling through me as I talked to my father...

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Thank you so much for telling me that. One of my main reasons to write is to understand my own life and when someone else also recognises themselves in my writing it just confirms how connected we all are as humans and how much impact we can have on each other … which gives me goosebumps and does so much to resolve the isolation that can plague the lone creative. So thank you for making the time and effort to message me!

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This was such a powerful article Helen, thank you. I have spent a life time lacking understanding of my neurodiversity, (by myself and by others who mattered). I know that is common amongst women of a certain age (such things were not discussed, referred to), my eureka moment came at 60, when I recognised who I was, and allowed myself to embrace this rather shy but much more authentic person. I also learned to say no to things that I should or ought to do, and yes to things that I want to do for me, whatever the reasons. And allowing myself to express my creativity has been one of the blessings of this new journey I find myself on. It’s ok, and I’m ok, most of the time. I was moved almost to tears by the response of your wonderful mother, I lost mine this year and found myself! It would have been lovely to have understood each other better, I was always loved, but little understood especially when I veered off the ‘normal’ norms occasionally, although masking covered over many of the trip hazards externally (just not internally). A powerful piece that I will carry with me throughout the day.

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Thank you Sarah. I am sorry for your bereavement but delighted to read of your self-discovery! Those normal norms are so overrated -they are so often just bland aggregates. Veer away, be your own special self and know you will be understood here for doing so. X

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Thank you so much for writing this. It’s quite serendipitous and I love that feeling.

It resonated very much for me in many ways. Only yesterday did I realise that I was somehow seeking ‘permission’ to leave a job that has felt like it was killing me slowly. I had the realisation that I don’t need permission and I can leave and walk through the door of a creative, more compassionate and motivated life - but like you mentioned in your post, one that has no immediate guarantees of being paid. But I feel free and alive and want to do good things, so I will just follow that feeling.

I am 54 and the age thing has been holding me back too but as my 70 yr old friend told me yesterday as she went off to play drums in her rock band, I am just a baby. Which immediately makes age seem at once unimportant but also open to being perceived in whatever way we like.

Thank you for your words of support for creativity in the second half of life!

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You are entirely welcome! There is a technique I learned in my coaching training called centring ( google centering by Stacy Haines for a video if you want mor info). The reason I mention it is that part of what she said somewhere is that we should imagine our past as a big peacock tail full of all the things we learned, people we were supported by, all our experience etc. It is the long tail that keeps us stable as we prepare to do our work now. There are things that we can do at 54 ( I’m right behind you at 53!) that we couldn’t do at 20 or 30 or 40. Or even 50. Because we didn’t have who we are now. It’s not too late. It’s just the right time.

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I love that imagery of the large and fine 🦚 peacock tail. So true. There is no time like the present. I’ve just remembered that my daughter asked me to write a positive quote this morning and I wrote “You are exactly where you need to be right now. Embrace what is around you.” And she looked at me and nodded as if to say, ‘okay now say that to yourself’.

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And did you?!😜

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I did! We had a group hug with my husband.

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Nov 17, 2023Liked by Helen Conway

Psychology courage.. interesting! And thank you.

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Thank you, Helen. Your paragraph about psychological courage is going up in my studio. Your words resonate deeply with me. Having retired from a career in healthcare, where my spiritual commitment to be of service to alleviate suffering meshed seamlessly with creativity (crafting individual solutions for patients), I often find myself in my studio wondering why I'm engaged in something that, on the surface (of my hyper critical mind), seems selfish and "not of help" in the world. You are so spot on about how that courage can open us to flow, to places we can't even imagine. Much to ponder here, and please, keep writing in your authentic voice. If I were in Paris, I'd bring you that chocolate banana crepe in gratitude for your words.

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Nov 18, 2023·edited Nov 18, 2023Author

There are not enough crepes in the world to equal the value of someone saying they are pinning my words up! ( Though if you do happen to get here I’ll happily give you an address for delivery!)

But seriously- that wondering you describe… yep. Full on been there. Creativity just doesn’t compare with ( in my case) changing lives and protecting people from violence by practicing family law. Until I got over that and stopped trying to find a way to practice creativity that did matter and started a Substack for the purpose of filling my pointless days with the joy of writing whatever came into my head. And then people started leaving comments saying they were pinning it up or emailing privately explaining exactly how I’d (totally accidentally) helped them out of some crisis. At which point I saw the point of creativity!! Don’t force it. Do you. Send your work into the world. Other people put the point in for you.

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Nov 18, 2023Liked by Helen Conway

“Sometimes psychological courage is about the bravery of dropping baggage over the side of the boat.” I shall be musing on that for a while, Love it 👏👏👏Shalom

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It has the added advantage of making waves too 😈

X

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Psychological courage rings all the bells for me - thanks for elucidating this idea for me to ponder.

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You are welcome. Let me know is what you find in your ponderings!

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I found your post via Sharon Blackie - she mentioned “creativity in the second half of life”, so I checked you out immediately. And lo and behold - THE exact thing I needed to read. I have been sitting at this crossroads for a while now. Your essay gives me hope and courage! I, too, will pin it up ☺️ 🙏

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OK now this serendipitous resonance thing is just getting spooky 🤣🤣 No seriously I’m so glad it fitted into your life and I hope you’ll tell me what you find the other side of the crossroads. X

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Came to you via Sharon Blackie. I too am a lawyer, having practiced 22 years and feel the burnout intensely. I cannot yet leave the practice of law for financial reasons, but am working on a plan to transition to a more creative life myself. Your article is inspiring 💗

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Sorry for delayed response to this comment. Let me know if I can offer any support in your self-extraction from law. You can get me on letsconnect@helenconway.com. It’s a sticky profession but there comes a time when enough is enough. I’d love to hear about your plan and your particular brand of creative expression.

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I too have come to you via Sharon Blackie and love everything you’ve said about creativity and psychological courage - a place I’ve inhabited for the last ten years. I’ve let go of so many personas and masks thanks to finding art in my second half of life (thanks to burnout and breakdown in 2013). I’ve had an extraordinary journey in pursuit of my passion and this year achieved my dream of an art studio by the sea.

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Nov 20, 2023·edited Nov 20, 2023Author

Then you achieved my dream too! Do think of me as you look at the waves… I’ll be in my suburban semi with the wave sound app in my phone!!! One day….

I’m glad you have yours though. Thanks for reading.

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Nov 25, 2023Liked by Helen Conway

Thank you Helen for this post-I'm still processing all the places within me that have been touched, moved and even a few that have been stepped upon! I now have a phrase to ponder that gives meaning to the vague abstractness of my musings of late....psychological courage. I will be pondering this for awhile to come!

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This is the second Substack article of yours I have read and honestly, it’s with tears rolling down my eyes, for both. I can’t articulate why, just that your words really speak to the crossroads I am at now. You are officially my favourite writer on Substack now. Thank you for sharing your brilliance with us!

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And now I’m standing in an art gallery at the opening of a show by my former exhibiting partner and I’m crying too 😀 There’s no magic I don’t think other than being at an age and in a position where I can indulge in telling as it is and taking the time to really feel how it is. And it seems, despite how isolating life can feel sometimes that it’s how it is for others too. Let’s never forget that the posts here are not the end thing. They are the start of connections which is what matters. Thank you so much for using your creativity to put your reaction into words and to touch me. X

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I am so touched by how my comment touched your heart…I love how you see this as “the start of connections” which I would love, even though I am many continents away (India) but I am so grateful to the internet and to your friend Sharon Blackie whose Substack led me to yours. I am finding strength and assurance through your words, even going to copy some parts down and stick it on the board in my “creative corner” (I hope you won’t mind) as I go through this phase of my life where I absolutely know the corporate world isn’t where I should be anymore but in the world of creativity, but I don’t know how to get there while battling with fear and anxiety over finances and self-worthiness. Your words will hold me up as I keep putting one foot in front of the other, knowing the fog will clear one day! Thank you…I will be reading more of your older posts one by one as I navigate through this. Much love ❤️

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Mind?! I am delighted!!

That not knowing, that fear and anxiety is very familiar to me. Your journey will be different to mine (and I hope I’ll hear more about yours) and unsolicited advice can be both annoying and actually not always helpful- but see if this fits your situation and if not discard it: looking back I couldn’t have planned the way I left my first career and even if I could have done would have fought against it. But I could plan the building up of the creative life alongside it so when the unexpected gift happened the basis of the creative life was already in place. I read a few books that all talked about ‘making the leap’ and that always felt viscerally wrong to me. For a while I had a hand drawn picture on my wall of a ravine with a rope bridge over it. I decided I wasn’t going to leap ( because: stupid financial risk) I was going to build a bridge one knot one rung at a time. Even though it felt flimsy and small and even if it felt like there was no way to get the bridge to the other side. Eventually people emerged willing to take that bridge built from knots of desire, vision, bravery and new skills and give me pegs of advice, wisdom, knowledge, community or opportunity to tie it secure on the far bank for me. Then a financial opportunity arose I never ever expected that was the force that threw my bridge ( the one in which my emotional readiness for that gift was tied) across the ravine. It was still scary crossing the ravine on something so flimsy but it wasn’t at all a stupid crazy dangerous leap. Then when on the other bank I had to learn to let go of the bridge and walk away from the bank deeper into life on that side, finding the right path. That’s a journey that’s very much at its start and will always continue. Your ravine, your bridge, your banks, your needs, your people … all different to mine. I can make no promises no predictions as to what will happen. I can’t carry you across your bridge. But I’ll be on that far bank and if my words here help as a tent peg alongside the help of others to begin to safely attach the bridge you are building yourself to your far bank, then do whatever you will with them! They are after all written just for you. X

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Thanks a lot, Helen, for your generosity and warmth in taking the time and effort to share your thoughts and your own experience. I cherish and appreciate it. I was reading it again and again and also copied it to my Notes app, just as I copied some lines from your other Substack article to pin on my board (thanks for giving me full permission for that 😊). This analogy of the rope bridge is one that I will keep in my mind and return to when in doubt. I have taken the “leap” once, 8 years ago, which led me to my current corporate job. Now with your analogy, I can see in retrospect that too was like a knot was built one step at a time which led me to where I am now. I realize I have a belief that I can only claim a limited number of such “miracles” (this current field is my third career in 20 years) and still feeling unfulfilled and asking God/the Universe for yet another change makes me believe I have already exceeded my asks and I don’t deserve to ask for yet another change/chance when I am 46. I feel like a spoilt brat almost! But your article spoke so deeply to me and the tears came because it made me believe that I can still do it, I still deserve all the chances even if its the fourth change, just because I’m still alive. I am so glad I found you, and so touched by your words, that you will be there on the other side of the bridge with your words as a “tent peg”. I hope I will be able to be that kind of guiding light to someone some day. Thank you for being there and shining through your writing like a lighthouse for people like me 🫶🏼😊.

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Do me a favour: put your own words in that wall too : “I can still do it, I still deserve all the chances even if its the fourth change, just because I’m still alive.”

I suspect you’ll find that at some future point all those different careers with all their different skills and experiences will coalesce and you will see that all of them are necessary to your life’s work.

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I hadn’t thought of this! But what a beautiful suggestion which also reminds me to pay heed to the affirming voices in my head, not just the fearful ones. I will be adding my words to yours on my board today. Also your “suspicion” that at some point these skills may coalesce, I believe that too because I see that it has come together even in my current job.

Thank you once again, Helen. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this interaction and your kindness and warmth! Have a lovely week and yes, happy holidays, and wonderful new year ahead! Will be reading all your future Substacks for sure 😊.

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As I was reading this and thinking... do I have psychological courage?... I was startled by my own lack of seeing my “whole peacock tail”. As far back as high school (I’m a 50 something woman like you), I’ve been exercising that muscle. Joining the basketball team despite the lack of any raw talent. Then as a young mom choosing a course of medical treatment for my child that was unheard of. Leaving my corporate job a few years ago and wondering every day what I was thinking while simultaneously feeling alive and free. Freedom often removes the comfort we have grown accustomed to, and has required daily practices of learning and knowing for me. I have some peacock feathers around here somewhere. I think I’ll move them to my writing desk.

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Hi Helen, I just stumbled onto your substack page and I really enjoy the richness of your writing style. Nice to meet you. I am a collage artist primarily and part of my practice the last 20 of my 50 years of being an artist is also as a poet. I collect little snippets of text that I like from what I come across while reading and make collage poems. I do it to give value to my reading time because my main drive is creating things. I found myself gathering some lovely little snippets of words from your writing. Of course they will be repurposed to other poetic purposes.

I am one of those natural born artists who just could not tolerate not following my creative drive and my inner voice since very early on. Being a self-sustaining artist has always been plan 'A' with no plan 'B' to back it up other than do other things for money to keep a roof overhead. My wife doesn't like it when I say that most artists would be street people if they didn't need a place to keep their stuff but it is kind of true. That's how dedicated most creatives are. Anywhere we have lived has always been mostly studio and a little space to eat and sleep. Working from high school on, it took me until my 50's to become self sustaining just from my creative work.

Reading your article I could really feel your sense of quandary. Freedom requires discipline. It can seem frightening to wake up every morning and face a new day, a blank canvas or a new sheet of paper on which you can decide to do anything and go in any direction. That does seem daunting. To be self sustaining doing it, double daunting and humbling. No question about it. Most people can't handle it I don't think. It is a hard row to hoe to carve out your own trail far enough to see your trail. It take a certain never-turn-back relentlessness and not just a 'baggage over board' approach but also a burn-the-boats commitment. That is the kind psychological courage needed. But what else are we going to do if that is what drives us, what gets us out of bed in the morning?

What other people think about you doesn't matter, what reputation you have does matter, how you compare to others mean nothing, there is no competition - only you can occupy you. Embracing and being your own peculiar, quirky, authentic self and seizing each day upon which you leave your mark, that is your only and best gift to the world and that is gift enough. The Great Harmony will support you in that because that is why we are here. So as they say 'Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.'

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