This has got me thinking on a bigger scale…, not only the stuff “in my bag” I no longer need but am unconsciously carrying around…
Now after reading this I am wanting to unpack and review the life I have, the limiting belief’s I bring forward from my past, that are creating my future and the impact that has on everything.
That’s brilliant. Glad my words stimulated something. But I’m a little worried that’s a long job. Do you have enough mango to get you through without getting hungry … 😜
Love this. I too love to surround myself with beautiful things and it would be a wrench to set them aside. (I am the YOU Susie in the shopping story. ;-)) But are they a security blanket, or
things that actually help move me forward? Such a delicate balance, as is everything in life, isn't it? Thank you for this thoughtful read. XO
It is a balance because we need roots a much as we need to go forwards. The interesting thing about the bag exercise was how it simulated the wrench and then allowed us to feel how we felt after the wrench -ie was it loss or relief… there were people running after their bags to get more out even though we were pretty sure we’d get them back at the latest by the end of the day!
Beautiful writing, as always, Helen. This is also well timed for me because my apartment is super small and super crowded. I have lost so much and every time disaster strikes, I'm forced to lose more. I hate it. I love all sorts of things but my space doesn't allow for it, now. I also can't afford to pay storage either. But, I need more room to paint. So, every day I end up standing in my apartment, staring at the rooms (I can see all of them from one spot) and I'm mentally trying to "rearrange" so it all fits better. One of my superpowers is that I can fit 10lbs of shit in a 5lb bag. If I had the money I could actually add a couple pieces of furniture that would give me the space I need. Like, a high platform bed so that I could store things under it. My mattress is on the floor. But that would only work for so long I suppose.
I stare at my shelves and think about what I'd be willing to let go of.... but, I've been through this so many times... I'm down to the "can't/don't want to live without" stuff. My favorite books. My rocks. My cool af nicknacks... and my clothes. I need all this visual stimulation. My memories. Its like having an external hard drive. Something has to go, though. I suppose it will have to be the books. Its not like I've read any of them in years. Ugh..
Its been really stressing me out.
But, I think I may have mentioned to you before, the apartment complex here is going to be rehabbing the apartments, upgrading EVERYTHING. they'll be looking like brand new! So, we all have to pack everything up like we are moving out but pile it all in the center of the room. They're even going to be replacing the carpet with all the stuff in here! Anyway, I will also need to take stuff out because it just won't fit if its all packed up. So, even before reading about your psychological exercise, I'm being put through it by Life! Isn't that interesting?? But, like, on the BIGGEST SCALE there is!!
As I pack, I'll have to start making some really hard decisions.... as I put stuff back in, I'll have to make some more. I'm dreading it though. I just want a bigger space. I want to not have to be pushed into smaller and smaller spaces. I've gone from a whole house with, living room, dining room, big kitchen, 2 bedrooms, and a full basement to 1 room and a bedroom. Though that's at least 1 step up from living in the van. (Which i just got rid of btw, so I'm super anxious about not having a place to sleep if I'm ever homeless again.)
As I read your post I was scanning my brain for what my ONE item I would keep would be.
The only thing I could think of was my grandmother's diamond rings. Which I don't even wear anymore because I don't leave the house. But, she would kill me if I ever lost them.
Everything I have, I've fought hard not to lose. Or it serves a purpose. I want all of it .... or none of it. Just like life.
This so speaks to me! When my empty nest era began last October, I made myself a list headed “put down your phone you old fool and do one of these instead” and listed all of the online courses I have accumulated. They include: several guitar courses (I honestly couldn’t tell you how many without checking!) at least 4 piano courses, a landscape painting course, a finger drumming course, a garden photography course...you get the idea. The list is gathering dust, and in the meantime I have made some progress with a goal to learn a jazz guitar new chord melody tune each month, (2 done and 2 half done 😳) I’m sure there is an insight there somewhere!
😂 We could swap courses maybe.. I can offer unfinished modules on a lyric essay writing class ( only one because that was actually very good), ditto an almost finished class from the V and A on museums working with artists ( would have been less finished save I got stuck on the M6 for a very long time yesterday - mobile data is a great thing the Creative Visionary programme, Confident Composition, everything on the BBC Maestro subscription for the rest of the year….but that finger drumming course sounds attractive….
“Some teamwork is needed, directed by the wise leader part of me whose skill is discernment.” Words to live by! This sentence jumped off the page at me! What a lovely weaving of images and stories, and interior reflection. Thanks again for another great read.
This has got me thinking on a bigger scale…, not only the stuff “in my bag” I no longer need but am unconsciously carrying around…
Now after reading this I am wanting to unpack and review the life I have, the limiting belief’s I bring forward from my past, that are creating my future and the impact that has on everything.
That’s brilliant. Glad my words stimulated something. But I’m a little worried that’s a long job. Do you have enough mango to get you through without getting hungry … 😜
Love this. I too love to surround myself with beautiful things and it would be a wrench to set them aside. (I am the YOU Susie in the shopping story. ;-)) But are they a security blanket, or
things that actually help move me forward? Such a delicate balance, as is everything in life, isn't it? Thank you for this thoughtful read. XO
It is a balance because we need roots a much as we need to go forwards. The interesting thing about the bag exercise was how it simulated the wrench and then allowed us to feel how we felt after the wrench -ie was it loss or relief… there were people running after their bags to get more out even though we were pretty sure we’d get them back at the latest by the end of the day!
“pretty sure”…😬🤣
They knew I was a lawyer - can you imagine the litigation if we didn't?!!
Beautiful writing, as always, Helen. This is also well timed for me because my apartment is super small and super crowded. I have lost so much and every time disaster strikes, I'm forced to lose more. I hate it. I love all sorts of things but my space doesn't allow for it, now. I also can't afford to pay storage either. But, I need more room to paint. So, every day I end up standing in my apartment, staring at the rooms (I can see all of them from one spot) and I'm mentally trying to "rearrange" so it all fits better. One of my superpowers is that I can fit 10lbs of shit in a 5lb bag. If I had the money I could actually add a couple pieces of furniture that would give me the space I need. Like, a high platform bed so that I could store things under it. My mattress is on the floor. But that would only work for so long I suppose.
I stare at my shelves and think about what I'd be willing to let go of.... but, I've been through this so many times... I'm down to the "can't/don't want to live without" stuff. My favorite books. My rocks. My cool af nicknacks... and my clothes. I need all this visual stimulation. My memories. Its like having an external hard drive. Something has to go, though. I suppose it will have to be the books. Its not like I've read any of them in years. Ugh..
Its been really stressing me out.
But, I think I may have mentioned to you before, the apartment complex here is going to be rehabbing the apartments, upgrading EVERYTHING. they'll be looking like brand new! So, we all have to pack everything up like we are moving out but pile it all in the center of the room. They're even going to be replacing the carpet with all the stuff in here! Anyway, I will also need to take stuff out because it just won't fit if its all packed up. So, even before reading about your psychological exercise, I'm being put through it by Life! Isn't that interesting?? But, like, on the BIGGEST SCALE there is!!
As I pack, I'll have to start making some really hard decisions.... as I put stuff back in, I'll have to make some more. I'm dreading it though. I just want a bigger space. I want to not have to be pushed into smaller and smaller spaces. I've gone from a whole house with, living room, dining room, big kitchen, 2 bedrooms, and a full basement to 1 room and a bedroom. Though that's at least 1 step up from living in the van. (Which i just got rid of btw, so I'm super anxious about not having a place to sleep if I'm ever homeless again.)
As I read your post I was scanning my brain for what my ONE item I would keep would be.
The only thing I could think of was my grandmother's diamond rings. Which I don't even wear anymore because I don't leave the house. But, she would kill me if I ever lost them.
Everything I have, I've fought hard not to lose. Or it serves a purpose. I want all of it .... or none of it. Just like life.
I should probably stop thinking for today.
I miss you. ♡
I suppose it would actually be my phone that I'd keep. At least that i could still journal, do art, be entertained, find resources.... sorry grandmom.
This really landed for me today...thank you. I'm going to be chewing the end of my pen a lot, pondering your thoughts.
This so speaks to me! When my empty nest era began last October, I made myself a list headed “put down your phone you old fool and do one of these instead” and listed all of the online courses I have accumulated. They include: several guitar courses (I honestly couldn’t tell you how many without checking!) at least 4 piano courses, a landscape painting course, a finger drumming course, a garden photography course...you get the idea. The list is gathering dust, and in the meantime I have made some progress with a goal to learn a jazz guitar new chord melody tune each month, (2 done and 2 half done 😳) I’m sure there is an insight there somewhere!
Shalom x
😂 We could swap courses maybe.. I can offer unfinished modules on a lyric essay writing class ( only one because that was actually very good), ditto an almost finished class from the V and A on museums working with artists ( would have been less finished save I got stuck on the M6 for a very long time yesterday - mobile data is a great thing the Creative Visionary programme, Confident Composition, everything on the BBC Maestro subscription for the rest of the year….but that finger drumming course sounds attractive….
“Some teamwork is needed, directed by the wise leader part of me whose skill is discernment.” Words to live by! This sentence jumped off the page at me! What a lovely weaving of images and stories, and interior reflection. Thanks again for another great read.
Thanks for the compliment and taking the time to read!
Really thought provoking thank you.