@Helen Conway Thank you for such a thoughtful post. While my ideal is to always respond with generosity, I have also felt that resentment that comes when feeling used. As newsletter writers are, by definition, writing to an audience who may want or need advice, this is a wonderful time to stop and think about how we intend to respond to requests.
That's pretty much the one line answer to the question I set myself then spent 2500 or so words rambling on about! Thank you. Generosity is being in control of what we choose to do and give. Being used is someone try to control or appropriate our personal resources. it's the latter that is an issue I think which is different to being invited to be generous or asked for a favour.
It might be easier to see if an instant yes or no comes up in the body, rather than spend time trying to uncover another's motive for asking, or quantify what the request will take. Do you want to, or not? I think otherwise it may be just rationalizing our yes or no
Excellent suggestion for decision making and one which I being naturally all up in my head at all times perpetually need to be reminded is a very good option to gather more information, so thank you. But I do still think that you have to interrogate that first instinctive reaction because thats so often still influenced by your belief system or associations. Both systems work best together.
Thank you for this interesting post! I must say that everything you talk about with regard to creative pursuits confirms my long felt sentiment that I prefer my creative interests remain a hobby rather than them becoming a profession. I prefer the freedom from the demands and expectations of clients and any possible peer pressure to behave in a certain way. The prospect of having to promote my creations on social media puts me off. I appreciate your honesty.
I love your clarity about this. I do think that there is too much pressure on people (born indirect and direct) to monetise creativity. It’s a hard thing to do, changes the experience of creativity, and it’s not for everyone.
@HelenConway thank you for helping me ( freely) to consider the nuanced response. Your thought provoking writing untied a few knots for me this morning. Much appreciated.
@Helen Conway Thank you for such a thoughtful post. While my ideal is to always respond with generosity, I have also felt that resentment that comes when feeling used. As newsletter writers are, by definition, writing to an audience who may want or need advice, this is a wonderful time to stop and think about how we intend to respond to requests.
That's pretty much the one line answer to the question I set myself then spent 2500 or so words rambling on about! Thank you. Generosity is being in control of what we choose to do and give. Being used is someone try to control or appropriate our personal resources. it's the latter that is an issue I think which is different to being invited to be generous or asked for a favour.
after I write this I found this post from @writinginthedark about generosity with boundaries Highly recommended! https://substack.com/inbox/post/145712118
It might be easier to see if an instant yes or no comes up in the body, rather than spend time trying to uncover another's motive for asking, or quantify what the request will take. Do you want to, or not? I think otherwise it may be just rationalizing our yes or no
Excellent suggestion for decision making and one which I being naturally all up in my head at all times perpetually need to be reminded is a very good option to gather more information, so thank you. But I do still think that you have to interrogate that first instinctive reaction because thats so often still influenced by your belief system or associations. Both systems work best together.
Helen, this is such a good post - thank you! Really thoughtful and thought-provoking.
Hope it's OK to post a link to my Itchy Bitesized post about how to ask to be paid without sounding apologetic: https://emmadarwin.typepad.com/thisitchofwriting/2022/02/itchy-bitesized-3-ten-ways-to-ask-to-be-paid-without-apologising.html
Thanks .. and sure! (Especially since you’ve just triggered a thought that might be another post soon!)
Oh, excellent! Will look forward to that.
Thank you for this interesting post! I must say that everything you talk about with regard to creative pursuits confirms my long felt sentiment that I prefer my creative interests remain a hobby rather than them becoming a profession. I prefer the freedom from the demands and expectations of clients and any possible peer pressure to behave in a certain way. The prospect of having to promote my creations on social media puts me off. I appreciate your honesty.
I love your clarity about this. I do think that there is too much pressure on people (born indirect and direct) to monetise creativity. It’s a hard thing to do, changes the experience of creativity, and it’s not for everyone.
@HelenConway thank you for helping me ( freely) to consider the nuanced response. Your thought provoking writing untied a few knots for me this morning. Much appreciated.
Well now you just made my day!! Delighted my ramblings were actually useful!! And thanks for subscribing.